Raising Boys.

Yesterday I went over to my friend Elise's place for a play date.  My frustrations with Alex came up in our conversation, and she had several good insights to share with me.  She has two little boys, her oldest being almost four.  She helped me to realize that Alex's behavior is more typical than not and reassured me that I'd make it through this phase.  I was grateful for a lot of her ideas especially the suggestion to turn to humour instead of anger, to diffuse the situation instead of intensify it.

This morning the kiddos and I were making an early morning outing (out of the house before 8am to get Bry dropped off at the metro) to the Hintze's for a play date.  Alex was enthusiastically commenting on each truck passing by and yelling with excitement each time he saw a school bus, just happy to be along for the ride.  It got me thinking that I've been focusing SO MUCH on Alex's negative behavior that I am missing out on the joyful moments.  I want to start recognizing the joy that comes from raising boys.  So here's for being more aware!...

my heart aches...

...a little each time I think of my Grandma's passing.   I'm working on a post in her honor and I don't know where to start.  How do I encapsulate in one post the life of a woman I so greatly admire and love?

He loves even me.

Wow January has been a rough month.  Let's see what has been going on...
Got back from Utah a few days before the New Year, Lij and Alex were both sick (coughs, congestion, fevers, snotty noses).  At least one of us has been sick since October.  Four months of passing around bugs is no fun.  Then there was the "Snowmageddon" here in St. Louis where we got a giant snowstorm and were "snowed in" for a few days... combined with sub zero temperatures.  Between sickies and FRIGID weather there has been little of venturing out and much staying in.  It wouldn't be so bad but it feels like our apartment is slowly closing in on us.  There are boxes and bins and stashes of clutter throughout the house, especially upstairs.  It's a joke to stay on top of it all, let alone get ready in the morning.  (My shirts are hanging in the kids' bedroom, all of my pants, skirts, dresses and undershirts are haphazardly stacked in their closet.  My shoes, socks and PJs are are in my room and if I happen to forget something before Lij goes down for a nap, he's too light of a sleeper to slip in while he's sleeping.)  It'd be so nice to have one more room.  Lij wasn't sleeping through the night (and we felt like prisoners in our own room sneaking in to go to bed at night--the slightest creak would wake him.), so we decided to sleep train him in the bathroom.  I couldn't take being in the same room anymore while he cried it out! :0(  He's been sleeping like a champ, but it makes it tricky to get ready for bed/for the day.

I think what really takes the cake is Alex.  His tantrums are epic and our power struggles are frequent.  I'm trying so hard to let go of my need to be in control, but it is SUCH a challenge!  It's made for many unhappy, intense and adrenaline-filled run ins with Alex :0(

Remember me mentioning a little black rain cloud?  Well it seems like MOST of January I had a black rain cloud looming overhead.  I felt SO irritable and frustrated and spent.  I started realizing how negative my self-talk was getting...in my head I was beating myself up and had very little patience for anyone else.  I also noticed how frequently I was saying to myself, "this is hard, this is SOOOO hard!"  One day, after losing my temper with Alex I went into my room and melted into tears.  Bry was home, sensing that I was needing extra support, held me and reassured me that I was doing a great job.  I told him that I was sick of always having to put on a happy face even when the kids woke up grumpy, even if I was constantly greeted with whining and demands.  What if I'm having a hard day?!  Bry was so great to step in on several occasions to lighten my load, but each time I would return feeling burdened and unable to handle things positively.

In the midst of all of this I was asked to do a second calling at church.  Primary Teacher for the 8 year-olds in addition to doing Activity Days with the 8-11 year-old girls.  I honestly was frustrated.  Why was I being asked to do another calling (mind you, it was up to me to accept the calling or not)?  Wasn't there someone else who could do it?  Don't they know that I already have a lot on my plate?  I accepted the calling, but a bit grudgingly.  This last Saturday I was supposed to give a little presentation at the It's Great to be Eight program (to prepare the kids who are 7 for baptism when they turn 8).  I'd had a busy day and arrived late.  To make a long story short, as I entered the room and listened to the musical presentation and various talks my heart was touched and I sensed the great love that God had for those children.  As I was driving away from the church I had this sweet feeling wash over me and a thought came to me as if God was talking to me saying, "Sarah, I love you so much."  It sounds trite, but in that instant I realized that all month, probably because of my imperfect ways of dealing with stressful situations, I had felt unworthy of love... how could God love me when I was making less than satisfactory choices? :0(  But in that moment I KNEW so strongly that God loved me and wanted so much for me to know it.  It felt as if He had been trying all month to get through to me and had finally succeeded.  It was such a relief, as if instantly I was able to set down the burden that I had been carrying, knowing that He had forgiven me and was there to help me.

(by Minerva Teichert)

Yesterday at church I was sitting with my class in sharing time.  Sister Daniel was leading us in songs, Because God Loves Me and He Sent His Son.  With the second song she had the adults sing the questions in the song and the children sing the answers.  I teared up as I heard the girls in my class sweetly sing, and I felt so grateful to be there as their teacher, taking part in such a simple yet sweet spiritual moment.  Once again the spirit softened my heart and the thought came to me that God hadn't asked me to be a primary teacher to burden me, but because He knew that these primary kids would bless my life.

These experiences helped me to see that in a way I had been resenting the trials that I've been facing.  I think subconsciously I've been asking, "why me? what have I done to deserve this?"  It reminds me of my mission when I was dealing with a lot of anxiety.  I was told in a priesthood blessing to let go of my anger, that things were the way they were supposed to be for a reason.  I've got to remember that this, all that I'm living now, is for a reason.  God hasn't forgotten me.  It's not a mistake.  I am not being punished and He hasn't forsaken me.  He wants to be there for me, I need to make sure not to forsake Him.

I don't know that I have communicated these impressions very well, but I wanted to record these things...and share them.  I feel strongly that there are others of you who are struggling with similar feelings.  I want you to know that God loves you too!  It doesn't matter how imperfect and inadequate you may feel, He loves you dearly.  He wants to be a part of your life, your sorrows and your successes.  He is there to run to your aid and to help see you through the challenges you are facing!  You can pray to Him, tell him everything...
 Doctrine & Covenants 123:17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us ^acheerfully ^bdo all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the ^csalvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed."

I really believe that as we allow the spirit to soften our hearts, our eyes will be opened to the overwhelming evidence of God's love for each of us personally.

Snowflakes and Chevron.

As has been the tradition for the last several years, we visited Em's class in Payson.  It was cuter than ever, newly revamped with cute chevron and bright colors, and recently decked with snowflakes for the holidays.  

This time however, Brie got to spend ALL day at Em's class as an honorary student, she had her own desk and all.  She.was.in.heaven.  This girl can't wait for Kindergarten!

PLUS, Bry tagged along too.  I talked about Christmas traditions in France and he shared some German traditions.  We filled the students' paper shoes with candy while they were at recess and helped them to make their own Bûches de Noël. 

 It was great to see Em in action and to be inspired by the quotes around the room, her evident hard work and love for her students.

Pretty in Pink.

When I was a little girl (maybe 7 or 8) my Aunt Elaine bought me a beautiful pale pink night gown and robe.  I wore it as often and as long as I could.  When it no longer fit I hung on to as a keepsake and then eventually retired it in to my treasures-for-my-future-daughter bin.  Several months ago, unbeknownst to me, Grauntie found an almost identical set and bought it for Brie.  I was so excited when she told me!  She sent it in the mail and I tucked it away for another day.  While sorting through bins of clothes this week she came across the package and insisted on trying it on.  It fit almost perfectly, she was glowing and almost giddy and whispered that she felt like she was wearing her baptism dress.  She then hurried into her room, grabbed her CD player and turned on the song, What Heaven Sees in You.  It was such a sweet moment. The last few days Brie has wanted to wear her nightgown night and day.  She LOVES it.  That Grauntie, she sure knows how to find just the right thing.  Parfait :0)

December Birthdays.

When I realized that it would be Julie's birthday the first Sunday we'd be in Utah I asked her if she'd mind us doing a family celebratory dinner.  She said that would be her preferred way to celebrate.  Just love Julie :0)  Grandpa & Nana Julz were sweet to host and even invited Mom & Dad and Tim (who were dropping us off for the evening) to stay.  It was great to reconnect and celebrate December birthdays, Julie's in particular.

 Brothers.

Beth had made a gluten-free cake that we used to celebrate the December birthdays (Julie, Brie and Scotty).  When it came time to sing and blow out the candles, Alex's two year old mind must have thought that everyone was singing to him.  He kept pulling the cake towards him.  When everyone else blew out the candles he was devastated (I had to snap a picture.  I know he'll get a good laugh out of it when he's older ;0)).  So someone sweetly relit the candles and let him blow them out.  It is HARD being two!

Different but still good.

With an ever-cluttered-almost-to-the-point-of-suffocatingly-small apartment, this year we had the idea of doing "experiences" with the kids instead of having our families get them a bunch of presents.  Everyone was so nice to accommodate, and it was fun to see what each person came up with.  Em did a sleepover with Brie, Rach & Matt collaborated to customize sleds for the kids to keep in Utah, Tim had the idea of taking Brie out to see a meteor shower (unfortunately that didn't work out), Tim & Matt teamed up to help Brie paint a castle to leave in the playroom, Bompa & Mémé took Brie on a princess date and Alex on many tractor & 4-wheeler rides in the snow, Grauntie Elaine watched a few movies in the home theatre, and Grandpa & Nana Julz made train suckers, did crafts and read stories together.  I love the idea of spending time together and collecting memories.  

Aside from that my family's {early} Christmas was the day before we left to be with Bry's family, so several of us decided to give our gifts ahead of time so we could enjoy them.  i.e. Tim gave Bry Settlers of Catan and we gave Tim a game night with popcorn & cookie brownies.  A perfect combo :0)  Although this trip was definitely a different one--with my Grandma passing away :0(--we still had some great times together.  Some of the highlights include:

* beautiful snowy days * seeing the kids with their out-of-town family * Brie twirling in her new Christmas dress and glowing with excitement over her princess date with Bompa & Mémé * making "healthified" cookies (9 cookie minutes til Bompa came in ;0)) * getting Em's stocking ready with Brie, her tying a perfect bow all by herself * Mémé decorating a mini tree with Alex and pulling out snowmen window decals for the kiddos to play with * going out to lunch @ Zupa's with Rach & Rebecca * Brie & Matt unsurprisingly painting the castle pink * going out to breakfast @ Kneader's with Elaine and having her be a part of all our Christmas festivities * Bry frequently making a big pot of steel cut oats and setting out all of the toppings (dried currants included) * (synchronized) dancing  with Brie in the kitchen :0) * playing Settlers of Catan with Bry  & Tim * Mom & Dad being so thoughtful and generous (UVHC and Dentist appts) * Bompa taking time out of his VERY busy schedule to spend with the kids--Alex being UBER excited about going out on the tractor and 4-wheeler! * Mom being so cute with the kiddos * watching Studio C clips with Matt * Tim & I making homemade hot chocolate * Miss DAISY Friggy (Piggy + Frog) in her lacy pink bonnet being just the comic relief I needed * doing a mission plaque photo shoot for Elder Tim Sheets * Brie dressing up as Mrs. Claus * a whole entourage taking part in Bompa pulling Brie & Alex behind the tractor in their new sleds * Bompa making special pancakes (lizard, monkey, pig princess, etc.) * The kids & I going Christmas shopping @ Shopko with Bompa * Aunt Rachie & Uncle Tim building a blankie fort in the grand room * doing a GNO/sleepover @ Em's new place * all the Sheets adults + Lij + Elaine having dinner @ Goodwood, our last hurrah together * Bompa doing donuts in his "truck" with me & the kids in the field * Brie snuggling with Bompa & Mémé and Bompa playing Tricky Trap with all three kids * Bry & I going on a Double Date (dooblay dawtay) with Erin & Matt to Macey's for some last minute shopping * 

Crêpes & Company.

In just about a week after moving Em had already unpacked, decorated for Christmas and practically had her whole apartment in place looking cute and chic as always.  The night before her house-warming brunch the five of us Gradens stayed at her place and helped her organize, straighten up and hang a few more things.  It was great to finally give back a little to Em, she is forever doing things for us, and fun to spend five-on-one time with Aunt Schmemmie.

the adorable invitation she designed.

us crazy house-warming guests ;0)

 Long arm shot with a 35mm lens...we're not in
 focus, but don't worry, my earring is ;0)

It's so fun that Em finally has her own place and her own space.  My dream now is that Bry & I are able to buy a house...and I secretly wish that she & my family could fly out to help us settle in.  It's be like our own ultimate home makeover reality show ;0)  Sheets Synergy, it'd be intense but creative and fun!

I hope you're enjoying your new place, Schmem.

am I a dark sleeper?

Brie has said a few particularly cute things lately that I wanted to post.

The kids' bedroom {fan} light is connected to the light switch but at night we pull the chain so they can't turn it on with the switch.  Just trying to encourage sleep ;0)  A few afternoons ago Brie came in to my room...

Brie: Mom my light has been off all day and I've been feeling glump.  Could you turn it on for me? 

Yesterday we were talking about sleep...

Brie: Mom I'm not a light sleeper, huh?

Me: Nope.

Brie: Am I a dark sleeper then?

caught a Christmas Mouse.

With Elijah having just turned 10 months on the 4th, I decided to start off my string of Christmas posts with this adorable Christmas mouse :0)  My Mom bought us this little mouse beanie when she came to visit in October, expressly with the idea of him being our Christmas mouse.  The last day we were at my Parents' house I stuck Lij in a tall laundry basket and told my Mom to come see the mouse that I had caught.

Speaking of this cute little mouse...

-he is still sweet and snuggly, but has gotten to be SO squirmy!  And he often throws back his head, arches his back and screeches when he wants to get his point across.  We joke that it's sweet to screech in six seconds!  I sometimes call him our Sweet Stinker, because he's sweet, but can get so worked up sometimes.

-he isn't as content as he used to be.  Dinner usually isn't ready on time these days because he whines at my feet until I pick him up.  I try to fix what I can while carrying him around, but figure that dinner can be late.

-he has two tiny little "hamster teeth" on the bottom and four big & spread out "hippo" teeth on the top.  Makes for cute smiles :0)

-he likes to cruise up the stairs to get my attention, just like Alex used to do.  He crawls up a few steps, turns to catch my gaze then crawls up even faster, giggling all the while.  (Even though we've been praticing, he doesn't know how to get down them yet.)

-speaking of cruising, he isn't walking yet, but cruises around by crawling.  I often catch him free-standing for several seconds at a time and he has started taking little steps while holding on to things. 

-he loves to dance and bounce (jump joey jump). 

-with being sick for the last month (ended up having an ear infection) he is once again waking up 1-2x/night.  A few days ago we started sleep training him again.  Wish us luck!

-his thumb is his constant companion, he is rarely found not sucking it.  Oh our thumb suckers!

-he has gotten pickier at meal time and usually likes to feed himself.  Some of his favorites are canned fruit, frozen peas, noodles, yogurt and cheese.  Like Brie and Alex, he is a little water guzzler.

-we have started practicing clapping (by doing pat-a-cake), waving and saying hi.  Today I sat him in my lap and started saying, "do you want to practice..."  He instantly knew what was coming next and started patting his hands together.  It's so cute to see him try!

-he likes to be with his siblings.  When the kids get up in the morning or Alex gets up from a nap he cruises in there (on all fours)!

-he is starting to become such a tease.  Alex is that you? ;0)  He snatches my glasses off of my face or pulls my hair and laughs.  I know I shouldn't but I can't help but laugh when he laughs...

Anyway, there's a mini update on the littlest Graden.  Sure love him to pieces!!

waiting and sharing.

My two favorite moments from our little Christmas morning (7 December 2013) would have to be:

1) Without a word from us, Brie sweetly waiting til Alex had opened his presents before opening hers.

2) Alex opening his box of Curious George fruit snacks and, without being prompted, giving a pack to each person in the family.

Other than that, I loved watching the kids open their gift boxes*, Alex getting so excited about his trucks and the candy in his stocking, Brie being tickled pink by her Tangled underwear and Lij being oblivious to it all :0)  I also loved that Bry & Brie picked me out PJs and a necklace and earrings AND that I got an iPhone charger plug in my stocking. Oh and Bry loved the pair of galoshes I got him...bring on the family puddle-jumping :0)

*My Mom bought us a super cute set of nesting Christmas boxes from Costco.  Can we say easy gift prep?  It took us about 15 minutes to put tissue paper in and then tie each box with a ribbon.  That is my kind of wrapping!  New Christmas tradition has just begun!

You better believe I was wearing the awesome pink owl onesie jammies that Rach gave me last year for Christmas ;0)

 OK, maybe this is totally silly of me, but I think it's lame when Santa gets credit for ALL of the presents under the tree.  Maybe I went a little bit too far to the other extreme, but I decided that Santa would only bring one gift, and that the rest would be from Mom & Dad.  I love that Santa wrapped Brie's present in Santa Claus tissue paper.  Nice attention to detail.

 In my defense, Santa did get to bring Brie the thing she wanted most...Tangled underwear.

 This kid would be happy with anything that had wheels.  Easy to please in that department.  yay!

 After Alex saw the pillow I made for Deven and thought it was for him, I decided to make another pillow for my little man.  It is very patched together with scraps of fabric leftover from his baby blanket, but he couldn't care less and LOVES it.  Makes a Mama happy :0)

 Sweet, content, curious little Lij.

 Alex was over the moon to get Thomas the Train toothpaste and Lightning McQueen tissues, how can those not be cool for a 2 year old boy?!  His candy stash was quickly devoured then he was on to devouring Bries.  He is our little candy monger!!

Other than the top ticket Tangled underwear, Brie was super excited to get her very own PINK mini blow dryer.  Barbie detangler and Hello Kitty toothpaste were definite runners up.

After opening presents we had "Strawberry Snowflakes" for breakfast (Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats + Slushy milk).  A few days before our Christmas I had frozen some milk (to ensure that we'd have just the right amount of milk for our cereal without buying more before leaving town).  It wasn't thawed out by breakfast time, but the partially frozen milk was an impromptu yet perfect wintry touch.  Love when necessity is the mother of invention.

For unto us a Child is born.

Bry & I decided that displaying nativity scenes around our home would be a way to help set our sights on Christ during the holidays.  (Someday I would love to have a large collection and be able to host our own crêches & carols, or something to that effect.)  Keeping with tradition we bought a few new crêches--two snow globe renditions (not super classy, but the kids enjoyed them), a set made out of felt, and my favorite nativity was in honor of Elijah's first Christmas.  It's of Joseph holding a lamb and Mary holding Baby Jesus.  On our Christmas Eve (6 December), after our traditional Vichyssoise dinner (which Brie very much helped me to make!), I presented the little figurines to Lij.  Bry captured the moment for me...so sweet to see Lij try to grip them with his chubby little fingers and I couldn't help but smile when he started to gnaw on Mary's head.  A very 9 month old thing to do ;0)  A definite highlight of Christmas this year was having Elijah with us.  There is something special about sharing Christmas with a little one for the first time.  It's a sweet reminder of what this season is all about. 

the Job Market Journey.

It has already been several months since Bry went through the job market, but I want to make sure and document his journey.  This is the sort of thing that I thought was interesting to ask my Dad, "Where did you get job offers when you graduated?  Where could we have ended up?"  So hopefully the kiddos will also someday think this section of our family history is fun to flip through.

My Mom flew in the night before Bry's first fly-out.  The three of us stayed up late getting things checked off the giant to-do list.  Of course a haircut was in order, picking out his wardrobe and Mom was wonderful to do all of the ironing. It was such a blessing to have her in town.

A picture I sent Bry for him to have as his laptop background, as a reminder that the four of us were at home cheering him on!

Doesn't every job candidate need a "interactive map score card"? ;0)  I wanted a fun way for him to concisely keep track of each campus visit:

When all was said and done Bry got 7 fly-outs and we were grateful for each one.  Of those seven he was extended 5 offers.  New Mexico was his first interview and his first offer.  It was such a relief when he received that call and to know that no matter what happened we'd have a job.

(1)

New Mexico State University: 

Las Cruces, New Mexico

offer extended

(2)

Illinois State University: Bloomington Normal, Illinois

offer extended

(3)

Central Michigan University: Mt. Pleasant, Michigan

(4)

University of Toledo: Toledo, Ohio

offer extended

(5)

 Oklahoma State University: Stillwater, Oklahoma

(not every day I can use my lovely glamour shot  ;0))

(6)

University of New Hampshire: Durham, New Hampshire

(the "good luck" cards got cheesier as we went ;0))

offer extended

(7)

 Georgia Southern University: Statesboro, Georgia

offer extended

It was a VERY busy two months with frequent trips to and from the airport.  As I was driving to the airport to pick Bry up for the last time it dawned on me that the CRAZY busy job market that I had been so nervous about (mainly because it'd mean me handling the three kiddos alone) was over.  We'd made it through.  I knew that the Lord had somehow made up the difference.  AND I must add that I am so proud of Bry, not only for all the hard work, time and effort he put into each interview--It must have been an exhausting process!--but also for the amazing dedication he's had since we got married.  Finishing the MAC program at BYU, 2 years as an auditor at KPMG while taking the qualifying exams & officially becoming a CPA, studying for the GMAT, passing his COMPS...AND making it through 3 1/2 years of a relentless PhD program.  WOW.  Just wow.  His last educational hurdle now after this HUGE "marathon" is finishing his dissertation.    Go Bry, GO!!!!

In the end we decided on Illinois State University in Normal, Illinois. We're of course sad that we won't be closer to family, BUT we feel like this is our next "mission call", we're grateful that the Lord is in the details, and are excited and grateful for the adventures that await us! (Now I just need to figure out how to contently live in our 2 bedroom town home for the next five months ;0))

*I borrowed the university webpage headers and logos from Google.com*