Grace.

This morning Yuling (and her sister, Yuphun (sp?), who is visiting from Taiwain), Elijah, Aimee and I went grocery shopping at Aldi.  Yuling is working on getting her driver's license and in the meantime I get to have her as my weekly grocery buddy.  She says that I'm the one helping her by giving her a ride, but her help far surpasses mine: she brings snacks for the kids, helps me get Elijah in and out of his buckle, helps me to bag my groceries and shares the space in her cart to get them out to the van.  She has also been known to pay for my groceries a couple of times when I realized that my wallet was still in my Sunday bag.  And even though I reimbursed her in both instances, it was so sweet of her to bail me out.  Well, today I found myself in a similar situation.  The timing of getting to the store was a little tight because I needed to drop Brie off by 8:45, get Alex to preschool by 9:15, get back to the house so Aimee could get a little nap before shopping at 10:30 so I could pick up Alex from preschool at 11:30.  As I was finishing up my shopping and rounding the corner to get in the check out line I glanced down at my watch to see that it was 11:22 AND that the lines were LONG today.  There was no way I could finish up at the store and pick up Alex in time.  Yuling quickly picked up on my predicament and without missing a beat told me to to leave my cart and the kids and to go get Alex.  I insisted on at least taking Aimee with me and tried to leave my credit card, but she said that I could just pay her back later.  I thanked her and raced off to get Alex.  I was 2 minutes late showing up and thought of how much later I would have been.  Once you were buckled, Alex, we drove back to the store to pick up Yuling, her sister, Elijah and our groceries that were all bagged and ready to be loaded.  I was so touched by Yuling's thoughtfulness!  It got me thinking, this must be what grace is: when we find ourselves in a predicament where we {desperately} need help, don't deserve it, but are truly grateful for someone extending it to us.

enemy among us.

I wish that I had written this post a few weeks ago when the thought came to me.  It's not as clear now, but I hope to convey what I felt then.  I was having a grumpy and irritable morning.  My interactions with you kids were short with angry tones.  Around nap time I was sitting here at the computer trying to get caught up on a few things when Alex came in.  Alex,  you were insistent on having me come and I was equally insistent on you giving me some time THEN I would come out.  You were frustrated by that and were starting down the tantrum road.  I was ssssshhhhhing you so that you wouldn't wake up your napping siblings.  I could sense that things were likely to spiral down between us.  All of a sudden it was as if someone snapped and I was awaken from a daze that I was in.  Why was I acting this way?  Why had I been so irritable and impatient all morning?  This was NOT the kind of mom I wanted to be!  I wanted my home to be a refuge, a place of safety, harmony and love.  I had certainly not be creating such a place this morning.  During this moment of clarity it was as if the spirit had illuminated the situation and shone a light on an enemy that was among us, a robber of sorts who had snuck in in the dark and was seemingly silently robbing us.  I had somehow listened to this enemy all morning, had allowed him to bully me in my thoughts, rob me of my peace and happiness and our home of its harmony and love.

Recently I've been noting how often I feel like the adversary is negatively influencing my thoughts;  he feeds me lies of not being good enough, my family being better off without me and me failing as a mom.  A week ago while visiting the Saginaw Ward a thought came to me as I was commenting in Sunday School.  As I write in my journal and record my blessings I can provide evidence against his lies.  I can prove them wrong!  It seems simple but is a powerful idea!

Going along with that I had the idea to track my mood.  One of the lies I believe often is that I'm not happy.  This last weekend I started using an app called, Moodlytics.  You can program which days you want to track and how many times a day you want to be asked to record your mood.  It's been enlightening for me to reflect and track how I'm feeling.  I'm happier a lot of more often than I thought.  Another way to provide evidence against lies that could otherwise drag me down.

Holding our Happiness Hostage.

The other day I had the thought that I often hold my happiness hostage.  Albeit unintentional, it's something I'd like to be more aware of in the moment so I can choose differently.  Instead of waiting for all my dishes to be done, you boys to be a little calmer, my muffin top to be gone ;0)...basically instead of waiting for everything to be "just right", I want to choose happiness today, right NOW.  I want to say goodbye to the unreachable ultimatums or near constant negotiating with myself and say hello to a happier me.  What holds your happiness hostage?

sweet giggles.

Aimee, I was just putting you down for your afternoon nap.  I usually sing your song, "Mother tell me the story that I love to hear, tell how you love me..." then lay you in your pack 'n play on your back with your blankie and Ellie the elephant.  I often stroke your soft head as I tell you I love you then walk out of our closet and shut the door behind me.  Today as I was stroking your head I found a ticklish spot behind your ears.  What cute little giggles came about as I tickled you.  Not to mention the CUTE "hippo" teeth you have popping out on top to complement the two you have the bottom.   I squeezed your plump little tummy and made you giggle even more.  Oh those sweet giggles, how they warm my heart :0)  Je t'm fort, Aimee.

Lij is 3.

Lij, this year leading up to your birthday, when I asked you what theme you wanted, you mentioned an ice cream cone birthday.  It was really fun to run with that theme.  My favorite projects were designing the mini paper ice cream cones, making the pom pom ice cream cone garland, the ice cream cone party hats AND the ice cream cart with Dad. I think your birthday was a success!  You loved opening presents (Brie stayed up late the night before to make you a birthday flower out of fabric.  It was so thoughtful of her!), fruit loops & chocolate milk for breakfast and streusel cake as a mid morning snack, wearing your new ORANGE & white shirt, riding your brand new blue tricycle, and having the pizza & ice cream cone party.  It was so fun to see you enjoying yourself, the center of attention and excited :0)

Me & My birthday boy.

 Look at that determination and excitement :0)

My cute little fam all ready to party!

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I love how the cart turned out!  And it only cost me a few dollars for a few supplies.

It was so cute seeing you working hard to scoop out ice cream.   Though, I think next time I'd have frozen prescooped scoops to easily place in to cups or cones.

Lij, if we were to sum up your cute little three year old self in several sentences, we'd include:You...

...are really funny!  Facial expressions, things you say and all.

...are such a cutie pie with your big brown eyes, chubby dimpled smiles, fuzzy head and chirpy voice

...are BUSY!  We have to keep a close eye on you because you're Mr. Houdini and Sneaky Pants.  One minute you're in the room and the next you're magically gone and getting in to someone's treats or Mom's toothpaste or Brie's toys.

...keep right up with your big brother and sister, always have and probably always will!

...you could probably earn some good money for your scream.  It's the perfect high pitch scream.  We wish that really words left your mouth when you're frustrated, but we're working on that.

...are frequently seen running with your left hand gripping on to your pants because they're inevitably falling down ;0)

...are potty trained!  You were the one who initiated it and although you still have occasional accidents and wear a diaper for naps/bedtime, you were wearing big boy undies now and do an awesome job with using the potty.

...stay up reading books at night.  In fact you try to do about anything you can to stay up and keep your door open.  It's common for you to still be awake at 9:00!  We are definitely trying to nip this one in the bud.  Let's be honest, it might be because you're still taking an afternoon nap, but I would love to keep my mother-son time with Alex each afternoon while you and Aimee nap and Brie's at school.

...would much rather eat snacks all day then real food.  It's tricky to find foods that you like.  When I serve you up I always make sure that it's just little tiny portions because most likely you won't eat it.  We have started requiring you to finish those little portions at meal time.  If you don't then it gets saved for the next meal.  That's been working pretty well, but I still wish that you'd eat more fruits and veggies and good-for-you food.  Someday??

...love all things that move: trains, planes, cars, trucks, scooters, bikes, etc.  You got a tricycle for your birthday and are getting good at peddling yourself around the block.

...you frequently complain about being hot and hate to be in the sun.  It can make road trips tricky if your're side of the van happens to be in the sun.

...never want to go to nursery, but usually end up having a fun time.

...will be going to preschool in the Fall.  Big boy!

We love you, Lijaroo!