Time with Grauntie.

I've been putting off writing this post.  My feelings are still so fresh and I have too much that I want to say, and don't feel like I will do it justice.  But I can't put it off forever.  Maybe for the time being I can at least type up a few thoughts.

When plugging in various goals, events and visits for our Utah trip, spending time with Grauntie Elaine was at the top of the list.  Several weeks before we arrived she went on hospice.  We all knew it was only a matter of time before she would be reunited with Gruncle Bob.  We stopped by her house first thing on our way down from the SLC Airport.  I was so anxious for her to meet Aimee.  The smile that came to Grauntie's face when I set you, Aimee, in her arms for the first time was almost like the smile that comes to a new mom as she holds her baby for the first time.  Pure joy and admiration. It was almost as if she had a permanent smile when you were with her.  What a special sight to witness.  Aimee, Aunt Emmie and I spent the night and much of the next day by Grauntie's side.  She was tired but coherent and I was so glad that she had enough energy to record Aimee's special hallmark book.  Over the next few weeks I was able to visit her at least a handful of times and each time, not knowing if it'd be the last, I tried to express my love and gratitude.  But how do you adequately say "good bye" to someone who you've known your whole life and has been an integral part every step of the way??

On the 4th of July, Dad, you kids and I helped to put together goody bags for the family.  Alex, you kept asking for blank sheets of paper so that you could draw pictures for Grauntie.  We taped them up on her side table so that she could see them.  It was your way to show your love for her.  Grauntie had had the idea to have Brie help with the project because she wanted you to have a pleasant memory of her in spite of the inherent sadness surrounding death.  I thought that was very thoughtful of her and very typical of the way she always thought of others. 

One of the last times I went to visit, Mémé and I were both at her house.  It was night time.  We put on Josh Groban's "Stages" album and Mémé sang along and rubbed Grauntie Elaine's feet.  It was a sweet and poignant time...sad to think of my Mom losing one of her very best and dearest friends.  It turned out that Grauntie passed away while we were in Park City doing a mini Sheets family retreat.  Mémé was devastated to have not been by her side.  I was really sad that the timing had been such that we wouldn't be there for her funeral.  I so wanted to be there to celebrate my Aunt Elaine's life, but knew that after spending a month away from home, we wouldn't be able to extend our stay another week.  The day of her funeral I posted up a collage of pictures on the fridge and thought and prayed for her and my family throughout the day.

It has now almost been four months since Grauntie passed away and I have thought of her daily.  She was such a loving, thoughtful, generous and giving person.  There is at least one thing every day that she has given me  (i.e. a necklace, decorations, craft supplies, toy for the kids, etc.) that reminds me of her.  I get a sinking feeling when I think of her not being in Utah when we visit next time.  She won't be there on Christmas morning to open presents with us.  She will no longer be there to send cards and packages for EVERY holiday.  She won't be there to call to see how life is going.  She won't be there to wrap me in her warm, loving embrace or to smell of her (quintessential Elaine) Opium perfume.  Oh how I will miss my dear Elaine.  She meant so much to me.  If you could combine a mother, aunt, sister and friend all in to one, that would be Aunt Elaine.  Although not related by blood, she was related to me in every other way.  How grateful I am that I got to call her my aunt.  I hope she knows of my love, admiration and appreciation.  I take comfort in knowing that we will someday be reunited.  Although, I have a feeling that she is not too far, undoubtedly an unseen angel in our midst.  We love you, Elaine.