letting go a little.

I feel like the Lord is tutoring me lately.  It's amazing how the Spirit can soften my heart and help me to change like no one else.  For as long as I can remember I've clung to structure and my way of doing things.  For the last several years I've worked so hard to become more of a scheduled, disciplined, organized person.  I love having my weekly menus planned out, staying within a budget, trying to keep my house in order.  Although these are all important things, I'm starting to realize that they are not the end goal...they are the means to a much larger goal.

This week we had Liz & her girls over to play.  Their van wasn't starting and a morning play date was running into nap time.  I was trying to be flexible, but I kept thinking that the girls might wake up my sleeping boys...then what?  How would I get dinner fixed?  As these thoughts were running through my head the next question came to mind...so what?  So what if your schedule is thrown off?  So what if dinner isn't on the table right at 5:30?  It may sound silly, but honestly it was as if I had been holding so tightly to my routine that I didn't realize that life could be OK even if things didn't go as planned.  In the end, they got their van working, I was able to enjoy holding Maya and spend a little bit more time with Liz, Lilli and Aliyah, the boys didn't wake up and dinner did get on the table.  What if I had missed out on those moments or put a damper on them by giving into the temptation to be stressed?  I'm so glad that I took a deep breath and tried to follow the Spirit's lead.

Going along with that thought, I feel like the Lord is also trying to help me be more others-centered.  For all of the reasons I just mentioned, this can be a hard one for me.  BUT it feels good to be making steps in that direction.  Joy truly can be found in serving others and it is sweet.  I had the opportunity a few weeks ago to help a sister in my ward at church.  As I dropped something off at her house I told her that we obviously didn't know each other very well, but that the Lord knew and loved her and wanted me to do this for her.  There is almost nothing sweeter than following a prompting, being on the Lord's errand, and feeling the love He has for others.  The times I choose to follow promptings from the Spirit, I truly feel that the Lord would be doing and saying those very things if He could, and that I get to stand in His place.  What a great love and concern He has for others!